Our Deepest Fears…
It’s been a little over a month since Leadville. I’m still processing all that went into that day and all the thoughts, feelings, emotions and desires that came out of it. Bottom line, I raced my heart out and after 50 excruciatingly painful miles, I arrived at the Winfield 50 mile cutoff 15 minutes late. They cut my race bracelet, and I sat down in a chair, absorbing the myriad of emotions that sat with me. Mostly, I just focused on how incredibly good it felt to sit in that chair after 14 hours and 15 minutes of perpetual motion and mental strain from the constant pain.
Since then I’ve entertained thoughts such as I wish I’d been a little faster, what if I’d cut 20-30 more pounds, would that have changed things?, I’m proud of my effort, I left it all on the course… and so on. When it comes right down to it, I am proud of my effort. Yes, I could have done some things differently leading up to the race, though that is all in the past. I cannot change it. So I choose to focus on the wild and amazing experience that Leadville was. I focus on the fact that I attempted something extraordinary. And you know what, running 50 miles at over 10,000′ is pretty extraordinary in my book. Success to me is so much about the intention, the journey, the stepping into the arena when our deepest fears say to stay hidden and play small.
While preparing for a client retreat this morning, I came across Nelson Mandela’s inauguration speech as the first Black President of South Africa. Reading this spurred feelings from my race and also how I choose to live my life. I never have chosen the easy path. And rarely what others expect of me. Sometimes this brings joy to those around me. And at times strife and difficulty. I suppose all I can do is continue to live my life in a way that feels authentic and lifts up the things in life that matter the absolute most to me: My Faith, My Family, My Integrity, My Freedom, and My Sense of Adventure.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. Our playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so other people do not feel insecure around us. We were all made to shine as children do. It is not just in some of us. It is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others…” – President Nelson Mandela